Thursday, December 19, 2002

I'm having something of an off week. It's very tempting to put it off on the amount of caffeine I ingested last week in order to keep myself moving and functional in spite of being an hour ahead of myself and sleep deprived (can't sleep in hotels). Now I'm trying to get by on green tea in a desperate bid for intestinal health, so it's only natural that my energy be a bit low for a while while my body adapts.

But there's also a bristling kernel of something stirring in my stomach like I get just before I remember that I've left the house minus some crucial item that I need for the road trip/dinner party/campout/whatever that I'm already late for. This is the noise it makes when my head is telling me everything is fine, but my body's crying "bullshit!" Of course, there's plenty of times when my body's the one that's full of shit, but this feeling in my gut is the feeling of internal discord, and it's got me feeling curious because I was feeling like everything's okay.

Of course, it's all well and good for me to pretend I don't know what this is about, but I really do. It's about Carrie. I can talk all I want about getting/being over her, but she's stil the person I miss when I'm feeling lonely, and she's the face I see when I imagine spending the rest of my life with someone. My heart knows it and, honestly, has no problem with it, but my head thinks my heart is a moron and isn't shy about saying so. This feeling in my gut, I think, is either my body telling me that it thinks my head's an asshole, or it's playing kid in the corner, screaming, "I hate it when you fight!"

So, yeah, I'm still insane, thanks for asking. So why am I in a good mood?

No comments: