Friday, April 22, 2005

Rayne asks one of the big questions: How do you make friends with Death? There have been times in my life that I thought I had, but my gut knows that I haven't, or else why this knot as I contemplate the winding down of life?

Christie asked me last night if I was having mid-life crisis kind of thoughts about buying a house in the suburbs, and I told her she was my mid-life crisis. The advantage, I suppose, of entering my thirties rootless, is that the intimations of mortality that come around that time were a spur to grow some roots.

In the larger scheme of things, I still feel young (an side-effect of having friends in their 80s), but I'll be turning 35 this fall, and I want to be ready. Christie and I are talking kids, and I want to be ready. Hell, we're going canoeing this weekend, and I want to be ready. Ready, in this case, means having two epipens, since I still have this unidentified food allergy, and Christie's got a little thing with bee stings. Not to mention flash floods, earthquakes, nuclear war, the rapture, and god knows what else might happen, and in my head I've got this chorus that wants to be ready, so it rehearses every bad thing that might happen, which explains the knot in my gut that isn't likely to disappear until we push away from the bank tomorrow morning, at which point it's just Christie and I and the river, and it's all so worth it.

As long as I've taken the time to get ready.

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