Everybody knows that the magazines in the doctor's office waiting are old, but there are...other magazines in the doctor's office (also old, but that's another story). Magazines that would make your time in the waiting room much more interesting, and infinitely more awkward. As the nurse walked me back to the room with said magazines (and an ancient VHS tape with bad tracking and no sensible plot), she said, "Be sure to lock the door!"
"Oh, don't worry, I will" I said.
And this is where that particular narrative will stop. For obvious reasons. Although I will say that it's cruel to give a guy a cup that big. It's a recipe for feelings of inadequacy.