Friday, January 11, 2008

Four Things That Make It Hard for Me to Enjoy TV or Movies, Especially Science Fiction

1. My brother is a paramedic, so I know that letting your patient die and then resuscitating them is not good for anyone's career but the mortician. Also, knocking people out it harder than you think, and also more dangerous.

2. My readings in linguistics have convinced me of the existence of a universal grammar, and that languages which fall outside that structure would be effectively impossible for the human brain to even recognize as a language, let alone learn to pronounce. So no talking to aliens.

3. Deconstructionism. Looking at the social forces at work in contemporary society, it's clear that Curious George is a stand in for an infant, and that Ted is clearly a stand in for the dad freaked out by his sudden parenthood. Ted's acceptance of his new role at the end of the movie is supposed to mirror the way we, the audience, accept our adult responsibilities and find in them grand new adventures. Okay, actually, that doesn't ruin the movie for me. But, as Theron has pointed out, George is an ape, not a monkey, and Ted would know this unless he's the world's worst anthropologist. Which, I suppose, he might be.

4. I used to live in a house that was about 50 years old, and not a single one of the doors opened properly without some attention from a block plane, which makes it very hard for me to believe in working secret doors/traps in ruins that have clearly been abandoned for thousands of years. Every visible surface is covered in vines. I'm supposed to believe there aren't tree roots in the counterweights that are supposed to make that door open? No.

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