When we first got home from the hospital, we had all of these free disposables, and the diapers were too big for newborns, and would have covered up the umbilical, anyway. So, in spite of our best intentions, we weren't able to use the gdiapers that we'd bought. Then she got diaper rash, which combined synergistically with the colic in a fairly explosive way. So we did no diapers as much as possible, and disposables at night, at the doctor's recommendation.
Somewhere in there, we bought a big box of disposables because we thought we'd be sending spud to a daycare that only did disposables, and diapers are cheaper in bulk. Next thing you know, she's 12 weeks old, and we've been doing disposables the whole time. But we still had that gdiapers starter kit on the shelf.
I finally busted them out last week. If you don't know, gdiapers are sort of like cloth diaper covers, but with a flushable lining. They're very environmentally friendly, especially if you consider the odor in your house to be a part of the environment. The environmental benefit is even higher if you have sewage treatment processes like Columbia does.
They're not terribly expensive, but the refills are about 50 cents per, whereas Sam's Club has disposables for about 17 cents each. And they're not widely available. The local health food store carries them somewhat sporadically, and other than that, they're only available online.
I'd like to say "Damn the expense!" but I ran the numbers, and it's costing us about $10 a week to keep our little girl's butt covered. If we used gdiapers just part time, evenings and weekends, it would double our costs. If we kept using disposables at night (they're more absorbent) and did gdiapers the rest of the time, we'd be talking at least $30 a week.
To be honest, we could swing that. Any maybe someday we will. But we've just started paying for daycare, Alimentum isn't cheap, and that extra $20 a week would pay for C. and I to go on dates twice a month, which is much more important to me than environmentalism, I have to admit. Sorry, planet. Wife comes first.
The thing is, I remember when we bought that first big box of disposables. We were at Sam's stocking up on groceries, and we were exhausted, and the baby had just puked all over herself and had her outfit changed, and we were trying to get all our shopping needs taken care of in one trip, before another colicky crying jag came, and Christie said 'diapers', and I grabbed, and we were out of there and on our way home before it even occurred to me that we'd been planning on doing the gdiaper thing.
That's parenting, though, right? We make the best decisions we can at the moment, with the information we've got and the brains we've got, at that moment, and then later, when we're more awake, or better informed, or less emotionally ragged, we second guess and wonder if we could've done better.
And what I'm finally figuring out, is this: If we could've done better, we would've done better.
Regret being one of those nasty emotions that steals your present and traps it in the past, and being present in the present being my number one goal as a dad, I'm going to have to work on spending less time worrying about what I might have done differently, because if I'm driving myself this nuts at 3 months, lord knows what I'll be like at 3 years.